I am not sure where to start today. The boys have been sick of a week now. Mason started running high fevers last Tuesday and then broke out on a rash from head to toe. Alex is now running high fever and starting with the rash :-(.

I am not going to write much tonight as I am so sleep deprived that I can't think real straight.

I called my family today just crying because I was losing my sanity quickly. they came over in turns to try to help out. Thank Goodness for that.

When the boys get sick it is SO hard...because of the special needs issues and sensory issues, they can't stand to be touched when sick. To them, my touch becomes painful. So i can't hug and love on them, I can't hold them, I can't make it better with touch....they just roll around in the floor whining and screaming, looking at me to make it better and I can't. They can't understand that I can't make it better, they can't understand why it hurts.....

I feel so heartbroken when the boys get sick,and I pray that it all ends quickly because I can't stand their pain with them. I then quickly become angry,because of what was done to these boys in the past, before they ever even made it to this world. Yes, I blame my daughter and the father, and rightly so....I just keep praying as hard as I can,that someday, somehow, with lots of hard work and effort,that these boys can overcome just a little thing as being sick !!!

They have the world yet to tackle...1 step at a time there Gramie.

night folks