Wednesday, September 28, 2011
We could not "do" for lack of a better word, a custody battle from 1 state to another. We could not afford it for one, and the laws varied so much. So what we did was offer my daughter a way home, in hopes that she would find it better to be closer to family and help.
In the time that it took to get this accomplished, my daughter and the boys father had separated. It made things for us a little better. (we thought anyway). A house was purchased and fixed up for her to come home to with Mason. She was pregnant with Alex at the time. She came home, but she surprises us all by coming home with a new boyfriend and his young child..Oh geesh.
We did not buck the situation and let them all move in. The deal was the new boyfriend had to get a job, and help pay the bills..Well, let me tell you, That did not work out at all, for months there was one excuse after another, but NO JOB.
As the months went by we started to notice things that were just not right. The boyfriends child made no noises,he asked for nothing, and was OVERLY shy. He winched when ever his dad walked into the room, and he slept all the time. SO with this new issue starting to show, we started to just stop by the house without notice, and we started to invite them to our house for dinner or whatever. When they would come to our home, the child was not allowed out of his car seat. I mean...dad would bring him in still buckled in the car seat, and that is where this child stayed. We asked that he let the child out to play or eat, and we were told that it was his child and that he would remain right where he was. This child was 3 years old, so we would sit on the floor in front of the child and play with him, and eat with him. It was heartbreaking to say the least.
When we would just drop by their house, we found a lot of things as time went on, but a big thing was that Mason was always stuck back in a 'playroom' or in his bed. Mason and the boyfriends child never played together, they were always separated. Then we started to notice 'fear' behaviors coming out in Mason. I was losing my mind. There started to be quite a few 'friends' of theirs that started to 'always' be at the house, it turned into lots of overnight friends, and then friends that never left. Remember, we were footing all the bills here, still no job by the boyfriend.
There was a lot of partying going on, and I did not like it. We kept Mason with us as much as possible at this point,which wasn't hard to do because my daughter was getting to the end of her pregnancy with Alex, and the boyfriend just wanted to sleep all the time. At least during the daytime hours anyway. SO we know how these months went right ?!?!?! moving on then.:-)
It came to Alex's birth day. The boyfriend told my daughter that as soon as his mother came (from anther state) and picked up the boyfriends child, he would be to the hospital. Well, he never showed up. Alex was born, and my daughter was crying. One of my family members went back to the house to see where the boyfriend was to find a letter that he had written and let on the kitchen table. It went something like this (the short) He did not want to be living in 'our' house anymore because he said we were trying to 'control ' him. He said that Mason was a 'mean' and 'hateful' child that he could not handle, and some other really no important things. He left with his mother like a thief in the night. Personally, we were happy about it.
Things did not go well with my daughter in the hospital after that. The nurses called security on her and would not let her see Alex because she was screaming and cussing at the top of her lungs and would not calm down. The nurses called us at home and asked us to PLEASE come try to calm her. Well, I had had enough of the crap, and I told the nurse to whatever she had to, we weren't coming. I was embarrassed by my daughters actions and mouth really. So they put her right out of the hospital, and told her she could come back when she was calm and get her son. At this point, I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
I should now add in here that Alex was never meant to be a child that my daughter kept and raised. Let me tell you why. (I have a really hard time with this part) When my daughter and the boys father moved to another state, they lived with his parents. The father step mother wanted another baby (child) because her son had disabilities (this is really what this woman said) and she wanted a 'normal' child. This woman and my daughter decided that she could have Alex. What the Hell...
My daughter brought Alex home from the hospital and my family and I took turns staying with her because she just could not get it together. She wanted this boyfriend back in her life. So after about a week of Alex being home she asked us to take care of him and she left to go fetch her boyfriend. She was gone for days. The boyfriend refused to come back so she was going to come back to the house, pack what she could, take the children and go. I was scared to death !! I talked her into leaving the boys with us until she and this guy could get settled somewhere. I didn't know what else to do. She agreed. I was good for that moment again.
In the meantime, between her traveling on the road and us talking on the phone, I contacted our attorney. I was not going to let go this time !! We had to do a few things...We had to Evict her from the home by the courts (we did) we had to keep the boys in the state for 3 more weeks to make it 6 months (we were good so far) and we had to get my daughter to write and sign a notarized paper saying that she was giving me the right to make all medical dissensions for the boys in her absents. (Oh boy, could we mange this one) Well, we did, but only because I looked my daughter straight in the face and lied to her saying I would pack the boys up to leave as soon as she told me too. I must had in here, I was not sorry that I said that to her either. I had to do what I had to do at this point for these boys !!
Two weeks later, I went to the courts and asked for emergency custody, and it was awarded to me. One step at a time now.
I found out that my daughter and this boyfriend where living in a tent, yes, I said a tent...in the middle of January, with his child. The boyfriends parents said they could not live in the parents home, they did not approve. I have never to this day met the boyfriends parents, but I like them.
As a mother it is very hard for me to write this part of the story also, this is my daughter and I KNOW she was raised better than this...She was doing drugs, lots of them, lots of partying...All I can do is shake my head because we offered help for her, but she walked away from it all. A home, a car, her children, her family, she walked away from it ALL. Mind you she never paid a bill in the house for the time she lived there either. My family footed it all.
I am going to end here again tonight. I get very emotional, much more than I thought I would, in writing this blog. I guess I am finding that I thought I had gotten over some of the things that happened, the anger, and heartbreak, but I really haven't.
In the time that it took to get this accomplished, my daughter and the boys father had separated. It made things for us a little better. (we thought anyway). A house was purchased and fixed up for her to come home to with Mason. She was pregnant with Alex at the time. She came home, but she surprises us all by coming home with a new boyfriend and his young child..Oh geesh.
We did not buck the situation and let them all move in. The deal was the new boyfriend had to get a job, and help pay the bills..Well, let me tell you, That did not work out at all, for months there was one excuse after another, but NO JOB.
As the months went by we started to notice things that were just not right. The boyfriends child made no noises,he asked for nothing, and was OVERLY shy. He winched when ever his dad walked into the room, and he slept all the time. SO with this new issue starting to show, we started to just stop by the house without notice, and we started to invite them to our house for dinner or whatever. When they would come to our home, the child was not allowed out of his car seat. I mean...dad would bring him in still buckled in the car seat, and that is where this child stayed. We asked that he let the child out to play or eat, and we were told that it was his child and that he would remain right where he was. This child was 3 years old, so we would sit on the floor in front of the child and play with him, and eat with him. It was heartbreaking to say the least.
When we would just drop by their house, we found a lot of things as time went on, but a big thing was that Mason was always stuck back in a 'playroom' or in his bed. Mason and the boyfriends child never played together, they were always separated. Then we started to notice 'fear' behaviors coming out in Mason. I was losing my mind. There started to be quite a few 'friends' of theirs that started to 'always' be at the house, it turned into lots of overnight friends, and then friends that never left. Remember, we were footing all the bills here, still no job by the boyfriend.
There was a lot of partying going on, and I did not like it. We kept Mason with us as much as possible at this point,which wasn't hard to do because my daughter was getting to the end of her pregnancy with Alex, and the boyfriend just wanted to sleep all the time. At least during the daytime hours anyway. SO we know how these months went right ?!?!?! moving on then.:-)
It came to Alex's birth day. The boyfriend told my daughter that as soon as his mother came (from anther state) and picked up the boyfriends child, he would be to the hospital. Well, he never showed up. Alex was born, and my daughter was crying. One of my family members went back to the house to see where the boyfriend was to find a letter that he had written and let on the kitchen table. It went something like this (the short) He did not want to be living in 'our' house anymore because he said we were trying to 'control ' him. He said that Mason was a 'mean' and 'hateful' child that he could not handle, and some other really no important things. He left with his mother like a thief in the night. Personally, we were happy about it.
Things did not go well with my daughter in the hospital after that. The nurses called security on her and would not let her see Alex because she was screaming and cussing at the top of her lungs and would not calm down. The nurses called us at home and asked us to PLEASE come try to calm her. Well, I had had enough of the crap, and I told the nurse to whatever she had to, we weren't coming. I was embarrassed by my daughters actions and mouth really. So they put her right out of the hospital, and told her she could come back when she was calm and get her son. At this point, I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
I should now add in here that Alex was never meant to be a child that my daughter kept and raised. Let me tell you why. (I have a really hard time with this part) When my daughter and the boys father moved to another state, they lived with his parents. The father step mother wanted another baby (child) because her son had disabilities (this is really what this woman said) and she wanted a 'normal' child. This woman and my daughter decided that she could have Alex. What the Hell...
My daughter brought Alex home from the hospital and my family and I took turns staying with her because she just could not get it together. She wanted this boyfriend back in her life. So after about a week of Alex being home she asked us to take care of him and she left to go fetch her boyfriend. She was gone for days. The boyfriend refused to come back so she was going to come back to the house, pack what she could, take the children and go. I was scared to death !! I talked her into leaving the boys with us until she and this guy could get settled somewhere. I didn't know what else to do. She agreed. I was good for that moment again.
In the meantime, between her traveling on the road and us talking on the phone, I contacted our attorney. I was not going to let go this time !! We had to do a few things...We had to Evict her from the home by the courts (we did) we had to keep the boys in the state for 3 more weeks to make it 6 months (we were good so far) and we had to get my daughter to write and sign a notarized paper saying that she was giving me the right to make all medical dissensions for the boys in her absents. (Oh boy, could we mange this one) Well, we did, but only because I looked my daughter straight in the face and lied to her saying I would pack the boys up to leave as soon as she told me too. I must had in here, I was not sorry that I said that to her either. I had to do what I had to do at this point for these boys !!
Two weeks later, I went to the courts and asked for emergency custody, and it was awarded to me. One step at a time now.
I found out that my daughter and this boyfriend where living in a tent, yes, I said a tent...in the middle of January, with his child. The boyfriends parents said they could not live in the parents home, they did not approve. I have never to this day met the boyfriends parents, but I like them.
As a mother it is very hard for me to write this part of the story also, this is my daughter and I KNOW she was raised better than this...She was doing drugs, lots of them, lots of partying...All I can do is shake my head because we offered help for her, but she walked away from it all. A home, a car, her children, her family, she walked away from it ALL. Mind you she never paid a bill in the house for the time she lived there either. My family footed it all.
I am going to end here again tonight. I get very emotional, much more than I thought I would, in writing this blog. I guess I am finding that I thought I had gotten over some of the things that happened, the anger, and heartbreak, but I really haven't.
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2 comments:
Oh Grami ((hugs)) I am sitting here in tears reading about your journey!
Hug's you back !! Thank You. These boys are my LOVES.
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