Saturday, January 7, 2012
I have not written in a long time, and tonight I am very tired and discouraged...SO I am going to use this as an outlet ....
As I sit here tonight I am saddened that the boys are sick. Both boys have ear infections, sinus infections,a nd asthma. They are taking meds for all, and nebular treatments every 2 hours. We have been to the doctors 3 days now, and have changed meds twice. We are on day 6 for Mason of being sick and day 5 for Alex. It makes for a LONG week.
1 of the meds the boys are on, Prednizone (spelling ?) makes them whiny and angry. They throw non stop temper tantrums but it's not their faults, they can't help it....the meds do it to them, but I can't make them understand that so they become so confused....It drives me insane after a few days and I have to walk away, close myself in the bathroom and cry. The boys don't understand that either and again I can't explain it.
On to something else...The EX has been calling and calling. He has decided that his new girlfriend is not for him....LOL....What he fail to understand is that she is perfect for me....because he needs to stay right there !!! I am so DONE with all of that. I made my choice to move on in my life and raise these boys and I am going to do just that.
which leads me to something else.....
I legally changed my last name back to my family name. I got the paperwork in the mail last week....Now I have to take on the task of going to DMV and changing my name, then Social Security....after that, just a LOT of phone calls to make...LOL...but I am happy to have my family name back again. I did it for another reason also.....When the adoption is final for the boys and I, we will all have my family name...I can't wait for that to be done...Both parents have now signed their rights over and the consent papers for me to adopt the boys. The lawyer filed the paperwork with the courts last week...SO off we GO :-)
On to something else....
2011 was a really rough year for us there at the end. so much happened (and I am not going to list it all here) We had to walk through a lot of heartache, and fear, the boys and I...There were times I thought it would never end, scary times...Times I had to force myself to get out of bed and get through the day only to be praying for bedtime again. I found myself crying for it to all end and lonely. I had to really step back and make some hard choices in my life, but for the good of the boys and I. I lost a lot of friends, but I gained some New also.
The biggest thing for me out of all of it was I had to learn that I was overly trusting of some others, and that I had to close part of myself off...That was very hard for me because I LOVE to help others and I love people. I gave till I had no more to give, but yet some people out there still wanted more from me, something I just DIDN'T have to give...my self respect, my caring, , my soul !! When I started to feel empty I knew I was losing the battle and I had to walk away and not care what other thought or said....I had to do what IS in the best interest for the boys and I....Still yet someone thought that was wrong of me to do, and they tried to interfere with my choice, they tried to make choices for me....I learned from all of this that I am a STRONG person...I stood up and fought back with everything I had emotionally...and I WON !!
I guess I have really learned that I am STRONG over many battles this last year...I have learned to NEVER give up...I am stumble and even fall down a few times, BUT as long as I am doing the right thing, I WILL WIN !!
SO here we are at 2012, I have overcome, I have WON, I have taken some BIG steps in life, made LOTS of changes and guess what...I AM OKAY, I am enjoying life more today !! Not everyday is a bed of roses but at least I can lay down at night and sleep soundly knowing I have done the right things. That means more to me than anything....I am teaching the boys by doing not just telling them...I have always said that ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS !!
I know there are more changes in life to come for me...some I care very much about and some I don't, some I will stand up and fight and some I just won't. I pick my battles carefully these days, and I live (or try to) each day to it's fullest....If it's a bad day, I try to make it better, if I can't well, I just try to learn from it and move ahead being better prepared for the next time.
Until next time...hug's to you all !!
As I sit here tonight I am saddened that the boys are sick. Both boys have ear infections, sinus infections,a nd asthma. They are taking meds for all, and nebular treatments every 2 hours. We have been to the doctors 3 days now, and have changed meds twice. We are on day 6 for Mason of being sick and day 5 for Alex. It makes for a LONG week.
1 of the meds the boys are on, Prednizone (spelling ?) makes them whiny and angry. They throw non stop temper tantrums but it's not their faults, they can't help it....the meds do it to them, but I can't make them understand that so they become so confused....It drives me insane after a few days and I have to walk away, close myself in the bathroom and cry. The boys don't understand that either and again I can't explain it.
On to something else...The EX has been calling and calling. He has decided that his new girlfriend is not for him....LOL....What he fail to understand is that she is perfect for me....because he needs to stay right there !!! I am so DONE with all of that. I made my choice to move on in my life and raise these boys and I am going to do just that.
which leads me to something else.....
I legally changed my last name back to my family name. I got the paperwork in the mail last week....Now I have to take on the task of going to DMV and changing my name, then Social Security....after that, just a LOT of phone calls to make...LOL...but I am happy to have my family name back again. I did it for another reason also.....When the adoption is final for the boys and I, we will all have my family name...I can't wait for that to be done...Both parents have now signed their rights over and the consent papers for me to adopt the boys. The lawyer filed the paperwork with the courts last week...SO off we GO :-)
On to something else....
2011 was a really rough year for us there at the end. so much happened (and I am not going to list it all here) We had to walk through a lot of heartache, and fear, the boys and I...There were times I thought it would never end, scary times...Times I had to force myself to get out of bed and get through the day only to be praying for bedtime again. I found myself crying for it to all end and lonely. I had to really step back and make some hard choices in my life, but for the good of the boys and I. I lost a lot of friends, but I gained some New also.
The biggest thing for me out of all of it was I had to learn that I was overly trusting of some others, and that I had to close part of myself off...That was very hard for me because I LOVE to help others and I love people. I gave till I had no more to give, but yet some people out there still wanted more from me, something I just DIDN'T have to give...my self respect, my caring, , my soul !! When I started to feel empty I knew I was losing the battle and I had to walk away and not care what other thought or said....I had to do what IS in the best interest for the boys and I....Still yet someone thought that was wrong of me to do, and they tried to interfere with my choice, they tried to make choices for me....I learned from all of this that I am a STRONG person...I stood up and fought back with everything I had emotionally...and I WON !!
I guess I have really learned that I am STRONG over many battles this last year...I have learned to NEVER give up...I am stumble and even fall down a few times, BUT as long as I am doing the right thing, I WILL WIN !!
SO here we are at 2012, I have overcome, I have WON, I have taken some BIG steps in life, made LOTS of changes and guess what...I AM OKAY, I am enjoying life more today !! Not everyday is a bed of roses but at least I can lay down at night and sleep soundly knowing I have done the right things. That means more to me than anything....I am teaching the boys by doing not just telling them...I have always said that ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS !!
I know there are more changes in life to come for me...some I care very much about and some I don't, some I will stand up and fight and some I just won't. I pick my battles carefully these days, and I live (or try to) each day to it's fullest....If it's a bad day, I try to make it better, if I can't well, I just try to learn from it and move ahead being better prepared for the next time.
Until next time...hug's to you all !!
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